Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
