my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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