drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
