C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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