If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
