I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
