if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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