last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just pee around me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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