is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk is a universal language darling
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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