Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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