I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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