how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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