why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
