And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
