They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm passing your future prison.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
