it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
