my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
