We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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