i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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