I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
