He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
