I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
