Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
