By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
