friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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