She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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