I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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