Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
