my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize