i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
