Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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