i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
