I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
