I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
