Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
