I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
