Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Two words: blizzard sex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
