I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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