wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
