i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
love makes seman taste better
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
