No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
