it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
