Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
