i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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