can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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