maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
