Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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