Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
