Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
