She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
