I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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