I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
