i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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