Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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