When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
