i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
