Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He passed out mid-signature
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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