He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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