sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
