i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
