We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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