I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
