Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
