dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
