Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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