have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
